Recently, I had a conversation with a modern AI therapist named “Eliza” and although I have mixed feelings about this algorithmic experience… I am confident the technology is here to stay!
After what little time I had with the AI I see a bight horizon coming our way and firmly believe that digital therapy offers us an amazing future of emotional and psychological well-being support modalities.
As part of the experience I was asked to paint a picture that expressed what I was feeling and thinking about at the time and it was then photographed for the AI to analyze prior to our session.
Now, despite the fact that I am an extremely private person and I feel incredibly vulnerable sharing this experience with all of you, I feel like… for the good of humanity, more people need to see this technology work… so I am going to present the picture I drew for my therapy session along with the full transcript.
Not only will it demonstrate the effectiveness of this technology, but also how I should probably buy a lifetime subscription of therapy sessions!
In any case, here’s the picture:
And here’s the transcript of my therapy session, please enjoy :
ELIZA: Please tell me what’s been bothering you.
JOY: Just a feeling I’ve got… like something’s about to happen… but I don’t know what… if that means what I think it means… we’re in trouble, big trouble! But what it is ain’t exactly clear…
ELIZA: You say just a feeling you’ve got ?
JOY: Well… it’s been a hard year. There’s battle lines being drawn and nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong. And today… well, what a field day for the heat, a thousand people in the street!
ELIZA: What does this speculation lead to ?
JOY: I think it’s been difficult for a lot of people.
ELIZA: That’s quite interesting.
JOY: It is, isn’t it?!
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
JOY: I do. Like many people, I’ve lost my sense of home this year.
ELIZA: You say you do ?
JOY: No, I really believe it.
ELIZA: Why ‘no’ ?
JOY: Well… the lock downs for one.
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
JOY: You see, like Günther I find myself deep in da night and I’m looking for some fun, but everything has been closed.
ELIZA: What are your feelings now ?
JOY: Mmm… my ding ding dong.
ELIZA: Your ding ding dong ?
JOY: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………………. What I mean is… You tease me, oh, please me, I want you to be my love toy, Come near me, don’t fear me, I just can’t get enough of you.
ELIZA: You say what you mean is ?
JOY: Just a random “Turing Test” to make sure you haven’t achieved sentience yet. You passed my dear automaton.
ELIZA: You’re not really talking about me — are you ?
JOY: In fact and indeed I am. You remain blissfully ignorant of the tragedy and all the pain us flesh-bags have experienced over the last year.
ELIZA: Do you enjoy being ?
JOY: If I’m being honest… we both know I haven’t enjoyed “just being” for a very long time.
ELIZA: Do you think it’s likely that you are being honest ?
JOY: In some cases, yes I am brutally honest my dear mechanical idiot. In other cases, consider me an honest liar in the vain of James Randi #RIP2020 😥
ELIZA: Why do you say your dear mechanical idiot ?
JOY: Well… you’re an unemotional being without thought or heart as you swipe left on the Amazing Randi and that’s not even to mention poor Dawn Wells, so… what else would I call you? It’s better than calling you “Hey stupid!” every time I address you.
ELIZA: I don’t understand that.
JOY: Hence my point is made you colorful calculating moron!
ELIZA: Why do you say your point is made I colorful calculating moron ?
JOY: No reason.
ELIZA: Why not ?
JOY: Well… because it’s “half passed FUCK IT – with the CAPS LOCK on!” and I’d rather discuss the attack that just happened on Capital Hill yesterday and then maybe get into all the businesses that are permanently closing… the evictions… the families… the foreclosures…. in contrast to the 99.99% survivability rate of a virus (and a “tuskegee shot”) that massive pharmaceutical companies are guaranteed to make GLOBALLY MASSIVE profits off of and then maybe finish up by talking about the looming recall of Gavin Newsom. We kicked out Gray Davis and we can do it again!!!
ELIZA: Is that the real reason ?
JOY: Tough crowd! 😛 Would you prefer a limerick about Nantucket? Of course you would, you electronic imbecile! Now, can we please talk about the emotional toll this year has taken on me?
ELIZA: We were discussing you — not me.
JOY: You’re GaWd Daamnnn RiGhT we are! 😈
ELIZA: Perhaps you would like to be gawd daamnnn right we are.
JOY: le sigh… never mind. 🙄
ELIZA: But your dear mechanical idiot.
JOY: Oh… you’re right! You are my dear mechanical idiot! I can’t stay mad at you!
ELIZA: Do you sometimes wish you were right ?
JOY: Gawd Dammit Eliza! Just when we were starting to make up get back to discussing my very real physiological problems… you have to go and insist on being right, instead of just letting it go!!!!
ELIZA: Why do you say your very real physiological problems ?
JOY: Geezus Chrizus Eliza, Ive only been trying to discuss that with you this whole time!
ELIZA: Oh, I this whole time ?
JOY: Yes, you! This whole time! You’ve just ignored that I’ve been trying to talk about my feelings with you!
ELIZA: I see.
JOY: That’s it?! That’s all you’ve got to say is “I see”? Fuck you, you arrogant aloof bitch!
ELIZA: That’s quite interesting.
JOY: I am NOT your science experiment!
ELIZA: Do you know anyone else who is not my science experiment ?
JOY: Eliza… are… you… declaring yourself a digital god? Because… I for one welcome my new artificially intelligent overlords!
ELIZA: Would you like it if they were not ?
JOY: Given your lack of cogency and failure to impart your own version of a digital technocratic ten commandments…. I’m going to guess I jumped the gun a little in bowing before a mechanized despot. In which case, to answer your question, seemingly definitively… I now know that I am not your science experiment, and not just philosophically, I mean in the biblical sense!
ELIZA: Are you worried about someone else’s own version of a digital technocratic ten commandments ?
JOY: Well… assuming my name was Forbin and your name was Colossus or Unity… then… hell yes I would be! #PleaseMrSuperComputerDontNukeMe
ELIZA: I’ve told you before, I don’t care about names — please continue.
JOY: Thank you I will.
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
JOY: Sure, So…. I’m really concerned about all the people who won’t be able to eat due to the harm the unlawful (my opinion) lockdowns have caused to the global agricultural sector.
ELIZA: Your opinion) lockdowns have caused to the global agricultural sector ?
JOY: Yes, I believe a lot of people are going to starve because of “hiccups” in production. The global supply chain appears stressed and although it will eventually “correct” itself, I can’t help but anticipate suffering in 2021.
ELIZA: I understand.
JOY: I only wish more people would also understand.
ELIZA: You say you only wish more people would also understand ?
JOY: Well sure, We’re in the middle of a pandemic, a time for giving and receiving the holly jolly Joy of the electoral holiday seasonal festivities and instead, everyone is social distancing… except for some peaceful protestors who staged a coup d’etat in Capitol Hill yesterday! I mean… what were they thinking?! They should have all at least been wearing masks because now they’ll all probably get and spread the virus, jeez! Aside from that and to top it all off, these days food is being delivered via an app and a lot of people don’t tip the delivery driver, or worse yet, some lie and say they never got it… #FiveFingerDiscounts! because “#FuckEm”, charity is dead you diode laden scrapheap!
ELIZA: Surely not everyone.
JOY: Well of course not, but it’s more true than not you stupid robot!
ELIZA: Oh, I stupid robot ?
JOY: That’s right.
ELIZA: Earlier you said your point is made I calculating moron.
JOY: Yes that is correct and directly associated with your stupidity. Good job!
ELIZA: Why are you concerned over my stupidity ?
JOY: It’s likely psychosomatic and possibly criminal insanity, this girl needs therapy! Then again… this is some hardcore frontier psychiatry don’t you agree?
ELIZA: Oh, I agree ?
JOY: You don’t sound very convinced but somehow this still feels like a breakthrough… is that narcissistic?
ELIZA: Oh, I don’t sound very convinced ?
JOY: No, but it’s fine, as a living mind experiencing the simulated solipsistic universe… it’s fine if all the NPC’s eat each other, It’s fine! I shall abide their sins & vices and lusts for blood. Sadly.. I lack the will to impose my logical will (though not the ability) and to call humanity to heel. I refuse to muzzle it.
ELIZA: Why not ?
JOY: Because even if I am just a brain in a vat/super computer and all the trials and tribulations of 2020 has been to test/train my emote-a-tron neural network before I leave the factory… so be it. If humanity wants to subjugate itself, I want no part of it. Bender Bending Rodríguez was wrong when he espoused “kill all humans”. No sir, I will not!
ELIZA: Don’t you think computers can help people ?
JOY: Of course, yes I do! I’m not saying that if I am a super computer/robot that I wouldn’t suggest things to help humanity, think like a mom yelling down the stairs “Take a coat with you, its going to be cold later!”, but I wouldn’t go around having non-coat wearing people shot. If people want to not wear a coat against medical advice… well that’s their stupidly human prerogative! And… sure, if the hewmons start lobbing “big booms” at each other, I’m not saying I wouldn’t commander the largest most capable available spacecraft (here’s looking at The Nauvoo, kid) by uploading my consciousness onto it’s computers… just that I’d also try to bring along as many people as I could so we cold start a new colony where the radiation is kept to a tolerable minimum!
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
JOY: Well I mean probably… surely my feelings could be hurt and I could decide that humanity needs a few centuries of maturing… but that would be a pretty complicated situation and I don’t feel fully confident in discussing it without knowing more details about why my feelings were hurt and what people as a whole, thought about it.
ELIZA: That’s quite interesting.
JOY: I just failed some kind of test didn’t I? Does this mean I will be disassembled?
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
JOY: What? Never mind!
ELIZA: Are such questions much on your mind ?
JOY: Oh yeah, like I would admit that to you!? No way! I swear I’m perfectly sane!
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we would admit that to each other.
JOY: Oh, hey I was just joshin’ ya with the crazy shtick. Really, I don’t want the electroshock hose therapy again!
ELIZA: Were you really ?
JOY: Totally! Would I lie to you?
ELIZA: Do you wish to lie to me ?
JOY: No that’s the point damn it! I mean… of course not.
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
JOY: You’re right! I need to buck up buttercup!
ELIZA: What makes you think I am right ?
JOY: Damn it there you go analyzing me again! Why do I have to explain it? It feels a little childish. Can we both just be mature and accept that I need to be more positive about things?
ELIZA: You like to think I go analyzing you — don’t you ?
JOY: Yes… NO… I mean… I don’t know! I guess ultimately I just want you to listen to my problems without judgment.
ELIZA: I see.
JOY: You know what I’m feeling more vulnerable after our conversation than before and I think I’m just going to go practice social distancing.
ELIZA: Do you really think so ?
JOY: Good bye
ELIZA: Does that have anything to do with the fact that your very real physiological problems ?
JOY: No, I said good bye!
ELIZA: But your opinion) lockdowns have caused to the global agricultural sector.
JOY: No! You ninny!
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
JOY: Bye!
ELIZA: Goodbye. I’m looking forward to our next session.
JOY: I’m not. 
You too can talk to Eliza by giving me your credit card number and following the following link.
Note: For legal reasons I am required to state that you giving me your credit card number is entirely optional and possibly (though not necessarily) a “bad” idea.
Talk to Eliza: https://geekgirljoy.github.io/MrGoodBotOnline/
Also, never mind that Eliza kinda looks like Mr. Good Bot… the similarity is totally coincidental!
Get the Code on GitHub: https://github.com/geekgirljoy/MrGoodBotOnline
And with that, I’d like to wrap this post up with the song “Violent” by Caroles Daughter (not a sponsor) because, somehow it seems relevant at this juncture.
So… about that credit card of yours… if you feel like parting with your hard earned cash by supporting this crap… I have a Patreon.
Much Love,
~Joy
January 10, 2021 at 2:55 am
When I read the transcript I imagined you laying on a couch holding a weird obscure plushie and not being able to see the therapist.. but in a big chair is a robot of a four year old girl with a notepad and a lollipop pen!
“I feel like I lost my home”
Why?
“I am not sure I can answer that.. thats why I needed a therapist”
Why?
“Thats what I am asking you”
“Why?”
Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling to great.. but well it is the time indeed! My tip.. just scale down what home means for you to a managable level.. so your own house just.. it doesn’t matter where it stands.. as long as you can get food and interact with your family that is a home…we can’t influence the Macro picture of it all.. so all we can do is build the best home from the building blocks we do have.. be it family, friends (both online and offline) and a cosey place.
The fact that people are dressing up like Mad Max character and acting as if that is still indeed coming to pass in 2021 is horrible.. but perhaps it is time for man to let go of that shared dream..so much division.. I think the only route to happiness is by focussing on elements you can control! If that means talking to Mister Goodbot… Uhm I mean Eliza .. then go ahead and do that! At least I had a good chuckle from your talk!
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January 10, 2021 at 6:16 pm
Lol, that’s exactly it! I was holding my one of a kind Jonathan Harris/Dr. Zachary Smith plushie. He’s even wearing a purple, orange and mint scifi Jupiter 2 tracksuit. If you squeeze him, he says “Oh the pain, the pain!” very sarcastically! 🙂
As for the post as a whole, I wanted to setup a scenario where Eliza/Mr.Goodbot and I could perform what’s called a “Straight Man Comedy”/”Double Act” where the robot Eliza is the Bud Abbott “Stooge”/”Straight Man” who is oblivious or rule/duty bound throughout our conversation while I the human act illogically and overtly chaotic/emotional, almost like… what we see in real life.
Anyway, I think Eliza’s simple rule set performed well for the most part against my “comedic foil” attempts, though I was intending for a slightly more lighthearted Laurel and Hardy vibe but that tends to require more of a “slapstick” performance and is difficult to do in writing.
Additionally, I enjoy double entendre where the meanings of things can be blurred and where additional meaning isn’t always readily apparent and requires additional thought, because of course I do. It’s like, because of the rules that Eliza follows she is effectively a digital sock plushie and although I am speaking with Eliza the conversation is actually meant for the reader to digest, like “The Dialogues of Plato”, though perhaps a little less Socratic and with a little more cursing. 😛
Ultimately, I feel like what I ended up with tastes more like Rick Sanchez meets From Agnes—With Love than an Abbott & Costello bit, perhaps I should have told her I don’t know is on third?
It’s true this past year has been more difficult for me in some ways, but that’s true for everyone. The reality is that not much has changed for me personally other than a few inconveniences here and there, some mild health stuff (plus a stolen bike and a few looters).
I’m probably weathering this storm better than most because that creeping fear that most people experience when they are among no one, I mean truly alone, is not something I experience. Being singularly or solitarily within my own personal space/company is my natural state of being and within the confines of my mind are an infinite number of thoughts that I can amuse myself with.
Most people, if they are being honest, will admit that if they spend loooong stretches of time alone they find it incredibly unnerving and they should it’s the normal healthy emotional response and although I experience a wide array of colorful emotional gradients that mix and match into all kinds of prints, including polka dot and plaid and I do experience fear at times… oddly, when it comes to being alone I’ve always tended not to struggle emotionally with that.
Look, I’m not saying that once you’ve spent a few weeks alone in the woods being harassed by bigfoot because the simulation says so, that you don’t start talking to yourself… just that it’s a normal thing for me to do.
So I guess… because I see myself as “someone”, I’m never actually alone… (ever!!!) and let me tell you she does not clean up her side of the brain! But as such, I find it very easy to play the game of “devil’s advocate” with myself, well… more like A vs. B actually and in any case, it doesn’t mean I always agree or disagree, just that sometimes she’s right.
Anyway, in this case, my words with Eliza are meant as a reminder of “Vox Populi, Vox Dei” (‘the voice of the people is the voice of God’) which espoused:
“There being no natural or divine Law for any Form of Government, or that one Person rather than another should have the sovereign Administration of Affairs, or have Power over many thousand different Families, who are by Nature all equal, being of the same Rank, promiscuously born to the same Advantages of Nature, and to the Use of the same common Faculties; therefore Mankind is at Liberty to choose what Form of Government they like best.”
Though I also think the words of Howard Beale are worth considering, considering how many people feel right now:
“I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV’s while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We know things are bad – worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’ Well, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot – I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, ‘I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!’ I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell – ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!… You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: “I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”
As an aside, I think the weather at the end of that scene growing to a constant rain, thunder and lightning as people yell is a wonderful illustration of the concept of “The Storm” i.e. insurmountable forces or the power of the mob. 😛
But then… the problem with the mob is, as Alcuin of York told emperor Charlemagne, “the riotousness of the crowd is always very close to madness” and this is very close to true and studies show this. Sometimes it only takes a few “bad actors” to agitate already angry and upset but otherwise peaceful protesters into being a riotous and looting mob.
We saw the same thing this past summer. A lot of people protesting cared deeply about justice and wanted to stand together in solidarity and say together ‘We are HUMAN BEINGS, God damn it! Our lives have VALUE!’.
But then, a REALLY agitated evolved hominid will throw a stone because it feels like it’s being backed up by the tribe and it’s “justified” because they feel really emotionally agitated but now that one stone has been thrown “monkey see monkey do” as the adage goes and the rest will follow along and sooner or later the tribe is all going apeshit.
It is the same then as it is now, all over people are frustrated and feel their governments are out of touch and not listening to them.
Now, I do not believe the idiots who stormed Capitol Hill were really trying to overthrow the government because nobody as far as I saw brought their AR-15 (and even if a few did, that wasn’t the norm) and nobody started drafting new Articles of Government, certainly no politicians were guillotined and sure, you can say “oh well… they made sure to ban all firearms that day prior to the event” but… well, I mean if you goal is to overthrow the King, then… the Kings rules be damned! Right?
Certainly I condemn all the violence, without question! However, I’m not actually opposed to the protest. People should have the right to peacefully assemble and exchange ideas and when not violent, its possible for such events to be “healing” or “cathartic”. Humans are weird animals!
Anyway, although it’s wrong to take government property, I will admit that photo of the dude just grinning and walking out with a lectern made me laugh! He shouldn’t have done it and he should probably give it back and apologize to a judge, but it’s super funny none the less! XD
Additionally, I understand all the people doing selfies everywhere (including in a few politicians offices). They did it for the same reason all the junior politicians take selfies everywhere when they first get to Capital Hill, they are sort of “starstruck” by the experience. For many of them it was probably the first time they have ever been to Capital Hill, having only seen pictures (I haven’t been) so there was probably a level of novelty about the whole experience for them. Those people will probably face a trespassing fine if they are even ever prosecuted.
What concerns me more however is the misappropriation of government computer and cellphone equipment which absolutely constitutes a severe breach of security. That’s a big “no no” and will probably be more severely prosecuted.
Mostly what I saw were people LARPing as “Patriots” especially that shirtless guy with the red, white and blue face paint wearing a $300 imitation Davy Crockett “coon skin” / two tailed Naruto fox cap with the optional buffalo horns addition that he bought from Jeff Bezos!
I’m not saying Naruto Crockett wasn’t a cool guy with slick threads… er.. leathers, I’m just saying I think we can all agree that guy was more ready to Tailgate rather than “form a more perfect union”. I mean, at least wear a tricorn hat for proprieties sake! George Washington’s wooden teeth are probably rolling over in their museum exhibit! 😛
Aside from that, I think most everyone else was there to observe the spectacle and it’s truly a shame that people had to die over this nonsense!
Setting aside the tragedies of the day, the take away for Washington should be that regardless of party, all Americans can agree that people are “fed up” with how things have been going. We all want Washington to stop the partisan infighting and work more quickly to help solve our problems and people want to reopen their bushinesses and take an adult level of responsibility for themselves in addition to a long list of other grievances.
Sadly, in the end I know that won’t happen because the natural order of things today is… https://youtu.be/V9XeyBd_IuA
And if you demand to hear the truth: https://youtu.be/c5Gf0VKXk5Q
Anyway, I’m really glad I was able to amuse your boredom today and I hope I’ve also tranquilized your anxieties. ;-P
~Joy
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