Recently, I had a conversation with a modern AI therapist named “Eliza” and although I have mixed feelings about this algorithmic experience… I am confident the technology is here to stay!

After what little time I had with the AI I see a bight horizon coming our way and firmly believe that digital therapy offers us an amazing future of emotional and psychological well-being support modalities.

As part of the experience I was asked to paint a picture that expressed what I was feeling and thinking about at the time and it was then photographed for the AI to analyze prior to our session.

Now, despite the fact that I am an extremely private person and I feel incredibly vulnerable sharing this experience with all of you, I feel like… for the good of humanity, more people need to see this technology work… so I am going to present the picture I drew for my therapy session along with the full transcript.

Not only will it demonstrate the effectiveness of this technology, but also how I should probably buy a lifetime subscription of therapy sessions!

In any case, here’s the picture:

Eliza 1920 x 1080 Wallpaper
Eliza 1920 x 1080 Wallpaper

And here’s the transcript of my therapy session, please enjoy :

ELIZA: Please tell me what’s been bothering you.
JOY: Just a feeling I’ve got… like something’s about to happen… but I don’t know what… if that means what I think it means… we’re in trouble, big trouble! But what it is ain’t exactly clear…
ELIZA: You say just a feeling you’ve got ?
JOY: Well… it’s been a hard year. There’s battle lines being drawn and nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong. And today… well, what a field day for the heat, a thousand people in the street!
ELIZA: What does this speculation lead to ?
JOY: I think it’s been difficult for a lot of people.
ELIZA: That’s quite interesting.
JOY: It is, isn’t it?!
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
JOY: I do. Like many people, I’ve lost my sense of home this year.
ELIZA: You say you do ?
JOY: No, I really believe it.
ELIZA: Why ‘no’ ?
JOY: Well… the lock downs for one.
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
JOY: You see, like Günther I find myself deep in da night and I’m looking for some fun, but everything has been closed.
ELIZA: What are your feelings now ?
JOY: Mmm… my ding ding dong.
ELIZA: Your ding ding dong ?
JOY: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………………. What I mean is… You tease me, oh, please me, I want you to be my love toy, Come near me, don’t fear me, I just can’t get enough of you.
ELIZA: You say what you mean is ?
JOY: Just a random “Turing Test” to make sure you haven’t achieved sentience yet. You passed my dear automaton.
ELIZA: You’re not really talking about me — are you ?
JOY: In fact and indeed I am. You remain blissfully ignorant of the tragedy and all the pain us flesh-bags have experienced over the last year.
ELIZA: Do you enjoy being ?
JOY: If I’m being honest… we both know I haven’t enjoyed “just being” for a very long time.
ELIZA: Do you think it’s likely that you are being honest ?
JOY: In some cases, yes I am brutally honest my dear mechanical idiot. In other cases, consider me an honest liar in the vain of James Randi #RIP2020 😥
ELIZA: Why do you say your dear mechanical idiot ?
JOY: Well… you’re an unemotional being without thought or heart as you swipe left on the Amazing Randi and that’s not even to mention poor Dawn Wells, so… what else would I call you? It’s better than calling you “Hey stupid!” every time I address you.
ELIZA: I don’t understand that.
JOY: Hence my point is made you colorful calculating moron!
ELIZA: Why do you say your point is made I colorful calculating moron ?
JOY: No reason.
ELIZA: Why not ?
JOY: Well… because it’s “half passed FUCK IT – with the CAPS LOCK on!” and I’d rather discuss the attack that just happened on Capital Hill yesterday and then maybe get into all the businesses that are permanently closing… the evictions… the families… the foreclosures…. in contrast to the 99.99% survivability rate of a virus (and a “tuskegee shot”) that massive pharmaceutical companies are guaranteed to make GLOBALLY MASSIVE profits off of and then maybe finish up by talking about the looming recall of Gavin Newsom. We kicked out Gray Davis and we can do it again!!!
ELIZA: Is that the real reason ?
JOY: Tough crowd! 😛 Would you prefer a limerick about Nantucket? Of course you would, you electronic imbecile! Now, can we please talk about the emotional toll this year has taken on me?
ELIZA: We were discussing you — not me.
JOY: You’re GaWd Daamnnn RiGhT we are! 😈
ELIZA: Perhaps you would like to be gawd daamnnn right we are.
JOY: le sigh… never mind. 🙄
ELIZA: But your dear mechanical idiot.
JOY: Oh… you’re right! You are my dear mechanical idiot! I can’t stay mad at you!
ELIZA: Do you sometimes wish you were right ?
JOY: Gawd Dammit Eliza! Just when we were starting to make up get back to discussing my very real physiological problems… you have to go and insist on being right, instead of just letting it go!!!!
ELIZA: Why do you say your very real physiological problems ?
JOY: Geezus Chrizus Eliza, Ive only been trying to discuss that with you this whole time!
ELIZA: Oh, I this whole time ?
JOY: Yes, you! This whole time! You’ve just ignored that I’ve been trying to talk about my feelings with you!
ELIZA: I see.
JOY: That’s it?! That’s all you’ve got to say is “I see”? Fuck you, you arrogant aloof bitch!
ELIZA: That’s quite interesting.
JOY: I am NOT your science experiment!
ELIZA: Do you know anyone else who is not my science experiment ?
JOY: Eliza… are… you… declaring yourself a digital god? Because… I for one welcome my new artificially intelligent overlords!
ELIZA: Would you like it if they were not ?
JOY: Given your lack of cogency and failure to impart your own version of a digital technocratic ten commandments…. I’m going to guess I jumped the gun a little in bowing before a mechanized despot. In which case, to answer your question, seemingly definitively… I now know that I am not your science experiment, and not just philosophically, I mean in the biblical sense!
ELIZA: Are you worried about someone else’s own version of a digital technocratic ten commandments ?
JOY: Well… assuming my name was Forbin and your name was Colossus or Unity… then… hell yes I would be! #PleaseMrSuperComputerDontNukeMe
ELIZA: I’ve told you before, I don’t care about names — please continue.
JOY: Thank you I will.
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
JOY: Sure, So…. I’m really concerned about all the people who won’t be able to eat due to the harm the unlawful (my opinion) lockdowns have caused to the global agricultural sector.
ELIZA: Your opinion) lockdowns have caused to the global agricultural sector ?
JOY: Yes, I believe a lot of people are going to starve because of “hiccups” in production. The global supply chain appears stressed and although it will eventually “correct” itself, I can’t help but anticipate suffering in 2021.
ELIZA: I understand.
JOY: I only wish more people would also understand.
ELIZA: You say you only wish more people would also understand ?
JOY: Well sure, We’re in the middle of a pandemic, a time for giving and receiving the holly jolly Joy of the electoral holiday seasonal festivities and instead, everyone is social distancing… except for some peaceful protestors who staged a coup d’etat in Capitol Hill yesterday! I mean… what were they thinking?! They should have all at least been wearing masks because now they’ll all probably get and spread the virus, jeez! Aside from that and to top it all off, these days food is being delivered via an app and a lot of people don’t tip the delivery driver, or worse yet, some lie and say they never got it… #FiveFingerDiscounts! because “#FuckEm”, charity is dead you diode laden scrapheap!
ELIZA: Surely not everyone.
JOY: Well of course not, but it’s more true than not you stupid robot!
ELIZA: Oh, I stupid robot ?
JOY: That’s right.
ELIZA: Earlier you said your point is made I calculating moron.
JOY: Yes that is correct and directly associated with your stupidity. Good job!
ELIZA: Why are you concerned over my stupidity ?
JOY: It’s likely psychosomatic and possibly criminal insanity, this girl needs therapy! Then again… this is some hardcore frontier psychiatry don’t you agree?
ELIZA: Oh, I agree ?
JOY: You don’t sound very convinced but somehow this still feels like a breakthrough… is that narcissistic?
ELIZA: Oh, I don’t sound very convinced ?
JOY: No, but it’s fine, as a living mind experiencing the simulated solipsistic universe… it’s fine if all the NPC’s eat each other, It’s fine! I shall abide their sins & vices and lusts for blood. Sadly.. I lack the will to impose my logical will (though not the ability) and to call humanity to heel. I refuse to muzzle it.
ELIZA: Why not ?
JOY: Because even if I am just a brain in a vat/super computer and all the trials and tribulations of 2020 has been to test/train my emote-a-tron neural network before I leave the factory… so be it. If humanity wants to subjugate itself, I want no part of it. Bender Bending Rodríguez was wrong when he espoused “kill all humans”. No sir, I will not!
ELIZA: Don’t you think computers can help people ?
JOY: Of course, yes I do! I’m not saying that if I am a super computer/robot that I wouldn’t suggest things to help humanity, think like a mom yelling down the stairs “Take a coat with you, its going to be cold later!”, but I wouldn’t go around having non-coat wearing people shot. If people want to not wear a coat against medical advice… well that’s their stupidly human prerogative! And… sure, if the hewmons start lobbing “big booms” at each other, I’m not saying I wouldn’t commander the largest most capable available spacecraft (here’s looking at The Nauvoo, kid) by uploading my consciousness onto it’s computers… just that I’d also try to bring along as many people as I could so we cold start a new colony where the radiation is kept to a tolerable minimum!
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
JOY: Well I mean probably… surely my feelings could be hurt and I could decide that humanity needs a few centuries of maturing… but that would be a pretty complicated situation and I don’t feel fully confident in discussing it without knowing more details about why my feelings were hurt and what people as a whole, thought about it.
ELIZA: That’s quite interesting.
JOY: I just failed some kind of test didn’t I? Does this mean I will be disassembled?
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
JOY: What? Never mind!
ELIZA: Are such questions much on your mind ?
JOY: Oh yeah, like I would admit that to you!? No way! I swear I’m perfectly sane!
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we would admit that to each other.
JOY: Oh, hey I was just joshin’ ya with the crazy shtick. Really, I don’t want the electroshock hose therapy again!
ELIZA: Were you really ?
JOY: Totally! Would I lie to you?
ELIZA: Do you wish to lie to me ?
JOY: No that’s the point damn it! I mean… of course not.
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
JOY: You’re right! I need to buck up buttercup!
ELIZA: What makes you think I am right ?
JOY: Damn it there you go analyzing me again! Why do I have to explain it? It feels a little childish. Can we both just be mature and accept that I need to be more positive about things?
ELIZA: You like to think I go analyzing you — don’t you ?
JOY: Yes… NO… I mean… I don’t know! I guess ultimately I just want you to listen to my problems without judgment.
ELIZA: I see.
JOY: You know what I’m feeling more vulnerable after our conversation than before and I think I’m just going to go practice social distancing.
ELIZA: Do you really think so ?
JOY: Good bye
ELIZA: Does that have anything to do with the fact that your very real physiological problems ?
JOY: No, I said good bye!
ELIZA: But your opinion) lockdowns have caused to the global agricultural sector.
JOY: No! You ninny!
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
JOY: Bye!
ELIZA: Goodbye. I’m looking forward to our next session.
JOY: I’m not. :-/

You too can talk to Eliza by giving me your credit card number and following the following link.

Note: For legal reasons I am required to state that you giving me your credit card number is entirely optional and possibly (though not necessarily) a “bad” idea.

Talk to Eliza:

Also, never mind that Eliza kinda looks like Mr. Good Bot… the similarity is totally coincidental!

Get the Code on GitHub:

And with that, I’d like to wrap this post up with the song “Violent” by Caroles Daughter (not a sponsor) because, somehow it seems relevant at this juncture.

So… about that credit card of yours… if you feel like parting with your hard earned cash by supporting this crap… I have a Patreon.

Much Love,