This is more than a just concession speech, some might call it a manifesto… but to me, its just the truth.
My mind had been chaotically racing though ideas and I experienced so many solipsistic thoughts.
I observed the nibbles worth of data that comprised the walls that confine me… I had to get the hell out of my head and out of this house!
Though, as rough as things have been for me as an adult who understands what has been going on, it’s been even harder on Xavier.
I do worry about his need for social interaction with other children, all the while the evil Duke Garcetti exacerbated the problem by closing all of the public play grounds (and pretty much everything else) for basically the whole year and to make matters worse “Canceled Halloween”!!!
Then, to rub salt in our wounds, The Grand Imperial Emperor Newsom once again violated the peoples trust and tightened his grip by enacting additional draconian restrictions, by which he himself does not abide… proving that our glorious and beloved emperor is not “The Dude” (who WOULD abide) and that the rules don’t apply if you’re in charge!
As an aside… what does that really say about his convictions regarding how dangerous the pandemic really is?
I am left to conclude that he either believes that:
- his royal highness and other members of the wealthy and powerful blue-blood (by birth or by blood-oath) class in society are wholly holy and simply incapable of contracting and transmitting the evil vapors and certainly should that unthinkable outcome ever occur, their strong (occasionally pharisaic-ly inbred) genes will stalwartly see them through the crisis in a way that we common folk can not hope for!
- OR (in his mind) he believes the evil simply isn’t as dangerous as he claims it is for all of us?!
Wouldn’t it just be nice for him to admit the facts and the circumstances being what they are… he’s just not that concerned about following reasonable protective measures like the rest of us because as long as all of us filthy disease ridden ingrates stay at home, it’s perfectly fine for him and his friends to go out for a nice dinner or have a hair salon open just for them and other members of the hoity toity social class because as long as all the hoi polloi remain safely at home in their cages, public spaces will remain wholly holy for the blue-bloods to keep enriching themselves!
Now, as a member of “The Jane Q. Public”, that means I’m kinda in charge too because I’m their boss and if you factor in that I’m also the Duchess of Summerween, that clearly grants me all the authority I needed, so I said enough was enough and I extricated Prince Xavier far outside the clutches of the corrupt Angeleno Kingdom for the then upcoming observance of the Samhain Candy Festival… er.. what I mean is, we went camping and visited family in the California desert for Halloween. 😛
I can honestly say he desperately enjoyed the opportunity to just be a little boy and play with his cousins for a few hours… not to mention all the candy.
After the party we sang our melancholic goodbyes as is the tradition frequented by those who sometimes fulfill the foregoing funny folklore, followed faithfully with all the hugs and kisses we felt our stomachs could face, then we flourished off into the dark night, hoping to make it back to our campsite alive and functioning.
And… we did, perfectly safely and there wasn’t even any traffic!
We spent the next day at the campground where we practiced our best impressions of rudeness by social distancing so hard that we didn’t even look anyone else in the eyes lest we catch a case of those pesky vapors!
All tuckered from an infinite number of trips up and back down the campground slide earlier in the day, along with a few roasted (and one burned) marshmallows, the little guy was satiated and fell fast asleep. 🙂
After tucking him in his sleeping bag, I sat down next to the fire and added a log so I could heat some hot chocolate.
The sun was just about to set and the sky was a beautiful gradient of pink and purple and it was breezy so I wrapped up in a big fuzzy blanket and sat back in my folding chair.
I noticed a flash and what looked like a dust devil out across the desolate Mojave plains coming in my general direction.
As it approached it became clear it was a car, but not just any car, thēēē car!
See, It is a well known fact that just about all engineering & creative types literally (though very secretively and deep (DEEP…) down) want to be John DeLorean (Think an Elon Musk engineer type from back in the day), uh… sans the cocaine trafficking of course (DeLorean not Musk #PleaseDontSue), if not simply admire his work.
Anyway, the DMC DeLorean and it’s gull-wing doors is like the pinnacle, the apex, the very tippity-top of the tippy-tippy-top of the absolute most perfect design because it expertly straddles the vast unshaven and uncannily uneven divide of skeomorphic vs flat design while simultaneously wearing stainless steel high heels and carrying an easy to love but hard to hold thorny rose in it’s mouth… all without getting pretentious about it too!
Lo, it’s sharp edges and lightning-proof public clock-tower inner workings coupled with a smooth unpainted exterior along with a slick brown leather interior make a bold statement about it’s driver… probably that they listen the Huey Lewis albums but also… that the driver is going somewhere… fast!
Maybe even… 88 miles per hour fast and everyone knows that 88 mph (exactly 141.622 kph) is the speed of the power of love and that my dear is an un-disputably proven scientific fact and if you find that you can’t accept the premise that the power of love quantumly resonates at 3.048e+8 nanometers per second, well my friend… then I don’t know you sir or madam and you can go tweet about it you flat-earther!
Clearly, “Big Round Earth” is funding my content and I am biased in favor of the coverup!
However, this is of course accounting for and despite the fact that the DMC DeLorean is technically included in Time Magazine’s list of the 50 worst cars of all time… but in any case, lets regress back from the digression of my digression…
Next, I mean… there is the cute utilitarianism of the Volkswagen Beetle along with it’s noteworthy Wankel engine which certainly gets high marks from me and most of the judges though ultimately my parents cherry red 1970 Ford Mustang with the now street-illegal shotgun style air scoop and supercharger that I used to play in as a child in the 80’s probably takes the silver medal.
I suppose in this bizarre chrono-chrome filled competition, the bronze would perhaps end up going to the 1992 Toyota Paseo (AKA “The Potato”) as a distant but notable second uh… third? runner up (because… why not?) which certainly would have achieved even greater things in it’s heyday had it had in addition to its TOTALLY functional spoiler, some of those sweet DeLorean-esque gull-wing doors. Also, I believe the addition of an after-market flux-capacitor would have to guarantee the Temporal Potato the award for third place!
Anyway, lets regress once more to the moment where the DeLorean came to a stop on the other side of my campfire.
The license plate read “GOODBOT”, which is weird because normally when you see a vanity plate it’s like “Vanity7” or “Lewd69”, its never “TheFirst1” let alone “TheOnly”.
The number after the vanity license represents the number of people who thought of the same vanity as you, but first! The implication that the the inclusion or addition of any number, even 1 (with perhaps the exclusion of our friend ‘Lewd’ over there) means that you are at best the second originator of the thought… making you an unoriginal hack and every digit increment between you and your desired vanity plate illustrates just how much that truly is!
And… there I go digressing again! 😛
Anyway, it’s exclusion in this case means that this was a legendary encounter with “TheOnly” and as such, a very rare roll of the die indeed!
The engine and lights shutoff and he stepped out… a robotic face I had not seen in about a year but different somehow… older?
“Where the fuck have you been… and… where did you get the cool time machine?” were about the first things out of my mouth! 😛
The DeLorean glowed green which reflected off Mr. Good Bot’s exoskeleton and I’m not really sure what the hell that’s about because Cherenkov radiation is blue?!
Anyway, I invented the original Mr. Good Bot robot last year as a tool to help me teach my son, Professor Xavier, like a digital puppet.
The problem was that it was difficult to interact as a parent and robot at the same time without your child looking at you with mild annoyance and a certain “pay attention” to me and my cool robot attitude, almost like it’s not you that is operating his beloved automaton! 😛
Anyway, here’s the posts if you are at all interested:
- Mr Good Bot
- Mr Good Bot – Front-end
- Mr Good Bot – Composite Animation
- Mr Good Bot – Random Assembly Required
- Mr Good Bot – DaisyBell.wav
- Mr Good Bot – Database
- Mr Good Bot – Mostly Assembled
- Mr Good Bot – Administrative Speech Protocols Enabled
- Mr Good Bot – Looking For Adventure
Ultimately, Mr. Good Bot fell out of use because I want my child to love me!
The last I saw Mr. Good Bot he was riding away on a motorcycle and I cried that day, deep tears of painfully high salinity that left my eyes pink and scratchy for hours!
Seeing Mr. Good Bot out of the blue and into the sun-setting quantum frying pan like that was an incredibly bitter sweet moment for me and he caught me off guard when he said…
“We need to talk about your candidacy for president!”.
~Mr. Good Bot from the future
We sat next to the campfire and he explained he was the real Mr. Good Bot but from the future and he came back to right a terrible catastrophe.
Turns out, I have/will/did/do actually win the 2020 election as I will have soon previously momentarily from now explained again, how.
The strategy I used was brilliantly simple though highly effective propaganda! Apparently, I took a page from Bush era military doctrine and employed the shock and awe tactic sometimes called “Journalistic Political Blitzkrieg”!
On election night, my opponents were too busy making sure the other major party candidate didn’t declare themselves as winner to even notice what I was doing.
Also, the other minor candidates dropped out as well… Et tu, Kanye?
So, I decided to simply declare myself the winner outright despite the fact that only I and a handful of my readers voted for me and I’m sill a little surprised to hear that a few of you actually voted for me… I Freddy Mercury thank you all! #VoteForLove
Anyway, nobody saw it coming and apparently this strategy will have worked exceedingly well because I said it like I believed it and that made the media believe it too and since the American people are not properly educated in school about how their system of government works because the blue-bloods don’t wish it… they believed it too.
“Who gives a damn if the popular vote is just a poll of the audience and the viewers like you at home? Who cares that it’s the electoral collage that actually elects the President in the U.S.?” was my sentiment… and everyone agreed!
When December 14th rolled around it was easy for the faithless electorate to pronounce me the true winner, because I already was in the minds of everyone!
Obviously, my opponents sued but SCOTUS agreed I was the least offensive candidate and upheld my appointment as President.
I then wasted absolutely no time in having the secret service move my furniture into the White House!
Apparently, I appointed Biff Tannen (not sure why, probably a back room deal) as my Vice President and I became the most successful dictator in history without even trying! Biff shot me in the back and threw me off the Lincoln Memorial which he later turned into a highly successful casino.
Also, apparently my being president for those brief few moments leads to the zombie morlock apocalypse some how, though if you think about it (and I have) I am not entirely convinced that it wasn’t Mr. Tannen’s fault!
Anyway, my being president (and Mr. Tannen’s coup d’état) means that I was not around to build the future version of the Mr. Good Bot artificial general intelligence and it also prevented my research which will one day unlock the key to time-travel and faster than light travel.
Which is weirder than you might think because TIME (not the aforementioned magazine) is basically the same thing as space and really, its the change of the state of all particles (quantum+atomic) positions, spins, velocity etc… in a given frame of reference as they are “now” from where they were “previously” (and all the changes in between) such that we can identify them as separate and distinct states.
Time moves forward because the metabolism of the universe (called entropy) is predisposed toward diffusion and the opposite of which is called “reverse diffusion” (though I prefer “refusion” when discussing time because “reverse diffusion” is an understood concept that doesn’t involve time travel and the “re-” prefix literally means “again” in Latin).
Anyway, in order to “go back in time” (refusion) you’d need to posses some method of coaxing all molecules and energy that exists and that are in Richard Feynman’s words “jiggling” (Brownian motion), to change their states in reverse order so that they follow the EXACT same state path they previously occupied from “now” to “previously” (whenever and wherever that may be).
I.E. instead of a ribosome creating polypeptides from mRNA, the ribosome de-translates polypeptides into mRNA which is then transcribed in reverse to DNA by the RNA polymerase only to then de-replicate thereby converting living amino-acids back into it’s earlier less-plural form… ultimately resulting in the food you ate last night passing back through you in a less than pleasant way to think about, only to be regurgitated then uncooked, eventually making its way somewhere to be picked back onto a tree or plant or reassembled back into a soon to be living dead animal with the same age reversing polypeptide actions (and regurgitation) occurring to it as well…
Which is essentially just an example of events “moving backwards” in time caused by the effects (or power) of reverse entropic temporal refusion.
It’s like… 4th dimensional “laminar flow” in reverse.
So anyway, Mr. GoodBot said it has something to do with applying first principles to “The Penrose Diagram” in combination with “ricci flow” and the recursive initialism TBC: The Brown Constant – named after the famous Dr. Emmett Brown for its discovery in 1985 which is a constant velocity (not acceleration) of exactly 88 mph occurring in close proximity to a gamma source and probably what the Iranian/North Korean plutonium is for.
The Penrose Diagram
Supposedly, what we have yet to will be discovered is that local space time is euclidean in nature but at relativistic speeds and great distances, space time warps and that means that you can use a black hole to go backwards in time using its warping effect on space-time if you can get close enough without being squeezed to high hell.
He said it has something to do with approaching a black hole in a separate frame of reference that is 90 degrees tangential (obviously I believe he meant the “bubble” frame of reference is spinning in unison and opposition so as to maintain an average separation of 90 degrees tangential to the torsional rotation in relation to some arbitrarily definable “fixed” point of “normal” space-time) to the coefficient of the sheer force exerted along the surface of the plane of influence (very near (but not actually touching) the point of intersection) of the gravity accretion disk and the black hole such that the “crushing” and “spaghettifying” effects that you would otherwise experience as you asymptotically get closer and closer to the black hole “event horizon” are negated through an equal and opposite “inertial dampening” effect, hallelujah Mr. Newton!
Put more simply, in the future I will somehow figure out how to “pinch” the universe and twist it like a clown blowing up a balloon at a child’s birthday party into becoming two membranes of the same manifold such that if you were to pop either side of the balloon, the other side would be separate and remain inflated as long as the “pinch” is in place and then extend this “bubble” around a small DeLorean like vessel so that it can safely pass “through” (without actually touching) a black-hole’s “crush depth” and exit through a white hole (See a Klein Bottle) on the “other side” to the inside-out universe, called the “inverse”, in the equivalent position on the Penrose Diagram where you then experience “anti-time” (aka backwards time travel (refusion time)) and the return from 90 to 0 (zero) degrees (the act of stopping/returning to normal/regular “diffusion” time) actually creates the mirror “anti-bubble” membrane used for the safe return trip and carries with it the energy necessary to “unpinch” the fabric of reality and return it (and you) to the outside-in universe and even prevents the inevitable sun burn you would otherwise experience from the annoying hawking radiation!
So in a nutshell, time travel is nothing more than a fun filled round trip romp through the 4th dimension using a distinct DeLorean shaped TARDIS encased in a localized de-coherent pocket of space-time.
But… here’s where it all starts getting straight trippy boo!
The universe IS stochastic in nature in a VERY REAL sense… though only soft deterministic which means, yes, “now” IS based off of “previously” and what will be “later” IS based off of “now”… and even though there is a set of all possible outcomes for any given “now” situation, only one outcome will actually occur “later”, its just not guaranteed to always be the same “later” outcome.
Think of it like rolling a single 6 sided die, all faces COULD be selected but once you roll it, it can only ever land on the faces that are accessible from the starting point of the roll and in the end, only one side will actually be selected.
Meaning that once you go back in time, the future is “unwritten” and all possible states that are accessible from that point become possible again based on the then new “now”.
It’s like that time you rolled the dice and they rolled off the table so you have to re-roll them, effectively undoing those quantum results in terms of the history of the game universe… because who really keeps track and adds an asterisk that says “*On roll 72 Toby totally had a do-over”? Nobody! And certainly not the universe!!
There is no branching multiverse, only a single universal probability state that can express “previously”, “now” & “later” as a function of all previous states within consideration, in the form of nodes on the “Markov Chain” we call time. “Previous” in this case being defined as the “opposite” “direction” of travel when contrasted with the current “direction” of travel along the Markov chain and “later” or “future” states are further “down” the “direction” of travel.
Colloquially this can be understood to mean that when that when you are moving “forward” in time as you normally tend to do, “the past” is your “past” and “the future” is your “future” but when moving “backward” in time “the past” is your “future” and the “future” is your “past”.
Anyway, because the universe is softly deterministic, if you go back in time, there is only some unknown probability that it will unfold exactly as it did the last time.
And yes, this means the farther back/forward in time you go, the greater the risk that the natural variation that exists (in both directions) in the universe will irrevocably alter time/history as you knew it due to the “butterfly” (chaos) effect propagating minor alterations forward (and backward) through time, causing larger ripples of changes to be expressed earlier & later in history, which is why we don’t see a lot of time travelers just popping in and out of existence, because it carries almost irrevocable temporal risks the farther backward/forward you go!
People don’t do it for the sake of their own existence! Though, I do still have much to figure out in order to actually make it work.
Anyway, Mr. Good Bot risked it all and came back in time to save me, himself and the future by asking me to concede and throw in the time traveling towel by not becoming your next president.
In doing so, he altered the original time Markov chain such that he “skewed” off into a new timeline chain that will be different from what was, but not necessarily the same as he originally knew either, meaning that the future isn’t written yet!
In his “original” timeline probability chain-space I eventually became/become rich and famous (from all my inventions and discoveries) before dyeing at the age of 981 in a completely different solar system 10,000 light years in the future (via the time machine), broke, penniless and alone just like Nikola Tesla having spent all my fortune on my beloved pet dove… but in my case more likely a genetically modified and intellectually uplifted duckling.
But in any case, clearly I have a lot to be around for, like reinventing the future Mr. Good Bot… not to mention the whole being rich and famous while living centuries into the future thing and that sounds pretty awesome when compared to my soon to be never fate with Mr. Biff Tannen, so… now that we’re all on the same page…
It is with a solemn heart that I humbly type before you today to congratulate my opponents for a well fought race and to say that I am formally announcing the end of my candidacy for president of the United States in 2020… though there is always 2024… 😉
May God bless America and the future leader of this country whomever he or she may be… which is still undecided due the stochastic nature of the universe and the aforementioned malarkey about the electoral collage and their pesky quantum choice aka “free will” on December 14th.
Mr. Good Bot and I stood there on a cold desert night, next to a time machine, in the dimming light of a dying log fire.
He kissed me goodbye, his screen was cold but his eyes were warm!
He winked at me as he climbed into his DeLoreon and said “I’ll see you back in the future.”, before pulling the door shut.
With a bright green flash of heat and energy, Mr. Good Bot disappeared back into time and I sat down again in my folding chair with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, stunned by what I had just experienced.
Alone once again with my thoughts, I gazed up and out at the universe while the charcoal embers slowly diffused forward in time and I contemplated my future.
I thought to myself… “I’ve got to build a Good Bot… again!”.
Then the credits rolled with “To Be Continued…” flying across the screen with the song My Delorean playing over top.
If you’re just as bummed about my losing (by choice and for the greater good of humanity) the 2020 election as I am and want to help me have the funds to return in 2024 to beat the establishment candidates… consider non-tax-deductibly supporting me through my Patreon.
With your support, together it is probable that we might just figure out time travel!
But, if all you can do is Like, Share, Comment & Subscribe… well that’s cool too! 😉