Dear Spammer Creep

Good golly Miss Molly,  it’s Friday,  and I haven’t written a thing, so I guess I probably should! 😛

What should we talk about? Hmmm….Oh, Great Gosh A’ Mighty that’s right! Can you believe it?

Little “The Innovator” Richard has rocked his last roll!

Which if I’m being honest, I wasn’t actually aware he was still around so this comes as a particular (albeit sad) surprise to me!

And, speaking of recent surprising deaths… did you hear Roy… Orbison? no wait… Horn, as in, the magicians Siegfried (Fischbacher) & Roy (Horn)… yeah that Roy, well he died recently too!

Of the Corona Covid-19 virus no less!

Yep… this post is so totally not going to be read by anyone because I mention death and “the virus” before I even reached one hundred words and I can practically guarantee this post isn’t getting any better from here on out!

Oh well! 😛

Anyway, unlike Little Richard where I wrongfully just assumed he was already among the life challenged…

Jokes aside I swear I’m not ageist! Age begets wisdom!

It’s just that I seem to recall that more than a few years ago Mr. Horn was unfortunately attacked by one of his own tigers and I guess I just thought… well, I thought he had died from that attack?

Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking that this might be a clear case of some sort of “Mandela Effect” (the old Berenstein vs Berenstain false memory debate) where I crossed over from an alternate branching dimension due to “quantum instability” or something and I’m simply remembering the events correctly, but from my own timeline and… while I cannot discount that outright, I’d say that is probably the least likely scenario and more likely I am simply mistaken! 😉

Though I’m sure being pandemically Tove Lo “day drunk into the night” back into the day… causes oneself to ponder over such nonsensical things….

Oh, but I’m not judging and I wont hold that against you!

In any case, I guess what really surprised me the most was that Mr. Horn wasn’t eaten by his pets!

None the less, I choose to remember Roy’s death in the most epic way possible!

Clearly, he was practicing the worlds most mind-freaking “disappearing act” with his tigers Chris and Angel and instead of the tigers disappearing that last time… Roy did! 😦

Um… you know… just like that “Tiger Kings” ex girlfriend/manager’s… uh… husband? (or… something)

#”Allegedly”!

I’m sorry, I couldn’t follow that whole thing and even now… I’m not really sure what exactly the “Tiger King” thing was about and further still… I’m pretty sure I don’t really care to know either! 😛

So… our last but not least “untimely gameover” for this week is Frank Costanza (the originator of my anti-creed’s non-religious winter holiday festival er… I mean Festivus 😛 ) better known as “Jerry Stiller” who died of “natural causes” (argue all you want but I refuse to believe death is anybodies “natural” state! It’s a disease that needs to be cured!) and if I had only known that my not observing the “Airing of Grievances” this past winter would end like this I would have, out of love for you all, insulted each and every one of you! 😦

On a happier note, as I predicted Betty White is still alive and kicking, which frankly… continues to raise some suspicions about her possibly being an immortal interdimensional being sent here to observe and study us!

When asked for comment about her secret to longevity, Mrs. White responded:

“You didn’t see this…”

Okay look, I’m sorry for my mildly morbid death fixation that I’ve had lately… fingers crossed it’s only a phase and I’m sure it’s just something a psychiatrist would charge me for but since I’m supposed to be social distancing… maybe I’ll just bottle it all up inside and cook something really special this Halloween!

In any case, I get a lot of spam and some of it is special to me… which is what today’s post and wallpaper is about!

My Dearest Spammer Creep…

So here’s this week’s edition of “Joy Plays with Crayons” wallpaper/image set.

It depicts me (obviously?) and a very special spammer / cyber stalker of mine… you know who you are!

The Painted

Dear Spammer Creep – Color

The Sketch

Dear Spammer Creep – Sketch

The Half Color

Dear Spammer Creep – Half Color

The Pretentious & Spooky Black and White

Dear Spammer Creep – BW

Leave a comment and let me know which is your favorite or even least hated, those among you who are indifferent shall forever hold your peace!

In any case, there is a very special someone in the audience and I call them my dear spammer creep.

I know you are reading because well… we both know you read all of my posts, though it’s been a while since I’ve even acknowledged your existence or directly interacted with you through your seemingly infinite number of “burner”, “sockpuppet” accounts.

You’d change your fake name, phone number, email etc… but I always knew it was you and play along for my amusements sake.

It’s one of the things I loved about you actually, you were always so curious about me in the hopes you’d get your dirty hands on my sensitive… personal information!

But, It’s also what made your spam, out of all the spam I receive… special and I receive loads of spam, my dear spammer creep!

Like, that one time… when you said Microsoft owed me a hefty refund, that was entertaining!

That time you claimed to be a developer who wanted me to sign your NDA so you could get my home address, presumably to dox or SWAT me? Super thrilled about that one sweetie!

Or that time you somehow managed to track down my cellphone number and fill my text message inbox with dick pics… so funny! Although, I could tell it wasn’t your dick because obviously it could be photographed without the use of a microscope!

Anyway, it’s been months since you’ve even really tried to put any creativity or imagination into scamming me (not that I’m really complaining) and although I’m sure the pandemic has something to do with it… if I’m being open and honest, I know that’s how we both prefer our relationship, I haven’t been feeling the warmth and love from your scams since even before the pandemic!

You used to send me such spammatic poetry such that on several occasions I was truly moved by it’s genuine beauty and was tempted to click your spear phishing attempts using locked virtual machines and my own “puppet” accounts out of appreciation for the artistry!

But your spam grew cold, formulaic and distant from me, like you’ve moved on… like… you want to spam other people, and yet you continue to string me along like I’m just another mark on your mailing list or something!

I need to know my dearest spammer creep… and please for just this once… be honest with me… Are you trying to scam other people too?

At this point, I’m not sure it even matters anymore!

Look, scam whoever you want! I think we may just need some time apart!!

The truth is, I never loved how forceful you were with me, It’s like… you didn’t respect me as your victim!

Certainly you must know that some geeky women like to be wooed a little before being scammed into byteing on your short URL and sweetie, your URL’s were always the shortest!

An no, it wasn’t because your URL was in the pool!

I shudder to think of the kind of infections you’d upload to my personal inbox if I just clicked your download linkz!

You know what actually?

Come to think about it, going forward my dear spammer, even though I’m dying a little inside right now saying this… don’t ever spam me again!

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Much Love,
~Joy

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